Do Say / Don’t Say: Talking to Neurodivergent People at Work

Most people don’t mean to be offensive — but when it comes to talking to neurodivergent colleagues, some well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause harm.

Whether it’s ADHD, autism, dyslexia, or other neurotypes, language matters. It shapes inclusion, trust, and psychological safety in the workplace.

This isn’t about being “PC” for the sake of it. It’s about communication that builds connection rather than walls.

So here’s a straightforward guide — what to say, what to avoid, and why it matters.

❌ NO: “Everyone’s a bit ADHD these days.”

✅ YES: “I don’t have ADHD myself — what’s that like for you?”

ADHD isn’t about being occasionally distracted or disorganised — it’s a neurodevelopmental condition that affects motivation, attention, and emotional regulation (Faraone et al., 2021). Saying “everyone’s a bit ADHD” downplays very real challenges and reinforces stigma.

Instead, be curious. Ask open-ended questions that centre the other person’s experience.

❌ NO: “You don’t look autistic.”

✅ YES: “Thanks for sharing that with me.”

There is no one way autism “looks.” Many autistic people, especially women and gender-diverse folks, are excellent at masking — adapting their behaviour to meet social norms, often at a personal cost (Hull et al., 2017).

A better response is one that acknowledges the courage it takes to disclose and keeps the door open for further conversation.

❌ NO: “You just need to try harder.”

✅ YES: “Is there anything I can do to support you?”

This one’s common — especially in high-performance environments. But for neurodivergent people, what looks like “laziness” or a lack of discipline is often the result of executive dysfunction: difficulty initiating tasks, switching attention, or managing time (Barkley, 2015).

Support might look like clearer instructions, flexible deadlines, or co-working check-ins. Offering help — not judgement — is the better way forward.

❌ NO: “I wouldn’t have guessed – you seem so normal.”

✅ YES: “I appreciate you letting me know — is there anything you’d like me to be aware of?”

Comments like this may be meant as compliments, but they can reinforce the idea that neurodivergence is something to hide or “pass” as neurotypical. Masking often comes at a high mental health cost — and inclusion means creating space for people to show up as they are.

❌ NO: “We treat everyone the same here.”

✅ YES: “We want to make sure everyone has what they need to thrive.”

Treating everyone equally sounds noble, but it’s not the same as treating people equitably. Neurodivergent people may need different supports — and inclusion is about embracing that difference, not flattening it out (Austin & Pisano, 2017).

Offering reasonable adjustments isn’t “special treatment” — it’s just good leadership.

The Bigger Picture

Neurodivergent people bring enormous value to workplaces — creativity, pattern recognition, deep focus, and unique perspectives. But they’re also more likely to face unemployment, burnout, and bias.

Creating inclusive language isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being willing to listen, learn, and do better. That starts with what we say — and how we say it.

References

• Austin, R.D. and Pisano, G.P., 2017. Neurodiversity as a competitive advantage. Harvard Business Review, 95(3), pp.96–103.

• Barkley, R.A., 2015. Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder: A handbook for diagnosis and treatment. 4th ed. New York: Guilford Press.

• Faraone, S.V., Asherson, P., Banaschewski, T., et al., 2021. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. Nature Reviews Disease Primers, 7(1), p.47.

• Hull, L., Mandy, W. and Petrides, K.V., 2017. Behavioural and cognitive sex/gender differences in autism spectrum condition and typically developing males and females. Autism, 21(6), pp.706–727.